TuxFamily goes political!

Posted on Monday 1 April 2019

Today we bring you a special announcement, not about yet another downtime or upgrade operation but rather about the future of the TuxFamily association. Indeed, not content enough with dull sysadmin and moderation tasks, the TuxFamily team has decided it was time to step up against the various problems of modern society. To this end, the TuxFamily team is about to become a political party, aspiring to the highest executive power in their country: President of the French Republic.

First, the why: in the latest years, it has become more and more difficult for the TuxFamily team to relate to any existing political platform. It feels like no political group, no leader, no elected representative is willing to recognise and face the real problems of our real world. Thus, it is only natural that TuxFamily, unsatisfied with the available political options, becomes a political party itself, carrying their views and ideas to as many people as they are legally allowed, i.e. about 67 million people — that's almost 0.9% of the world population!

Then comes the how: how does a small association like TuxFamily become a political party? Well, to be fair, a lot remains to be defined, starting with who will volunteer to campaign as TuxFamily's public face. It is very likely that internal primaries will be organised in the coming months (Serge, our intern, is considered favourite due to his incredible charisma). Money is also an important question, which was swiftly solved: after years of donations, TuxFamily has what it takes in bank to start the adventure. This money was of course initially intended to purchase hardware and servers — but who needs servers in the century of cloud-based hosting anyway?

Last, and definitely the most important point this piece of news wish to bring to your eyes: TuxFamily's political platform. Of course, the program below is all but definitive and is liable to evolve and improve until the next presidential campaign starts, but what follows should give you a good idea of the bright future you can get by voting for TuxFamily!

• Society:
  • Every home will be required to adopt at least one cat as "purr therapy" is seen as the best way to dramatically reduce health expenses.

• Culture:
  • As a mean to protect the French cultural exception, backups will become legal requirements for everyone: companies, associations, individuals, etc. Failure to comply will be met with data loss and ridicule.

• Security:
  • As a mean to enforce French excellency, all perpetrators judged guilty of having assigned wrong, insecure Unix permissions to their files will be stripped of their nationality and deported to DevNullia. Remember kids, whenever you chmod 777, you systemctl start hitler!

• Education:
  • Ensure all citizens are perfectly capable of correctly indenting a damn text file before they get the ability to vote.

• Immigration:
  • People who wish to join the country will have to pass a test: they will be deemed good citizens if they can use a dial-up Internet connection on typical mainstream websites for two hours straight without losing their nerve.

• Economy:
  • Automation will delete 90% of jobs. It is therefore urgent to fund research to design sofas comfortable enough for the entire population to slack off whole days on them.

• Transportation:
  • People who listen to loud music in trains will be "offered" the possibility to touch the catenary feed.

• Ecology:
  • Make coal the true energy of the 21^st century.
  • Use excess water from melting ice caps to watercool computers.

• Constitutional changes:
  • The French Republic is currently in its 5^th version — from now on, French Republics will have to be versioned using semver.
  • Docker images of French Republics should also be created to make revolutions more convenient.
  • Death penalty will be restored specifically for members of parliament who refuse to use Git to amend legal texts.

As you can realise, TuxFamily combines a good list of priorities to address with a set of unique yet realistic solutions which surely most citizens will acclaim as the one right way to go! So, without further ado, vote for TuxFamily! And donate too! Together, let's compile a beautiful future for the country!

Edit: Of course it was our yearly April fool joke ;-)